Almost 5 years later...

And now I am feeling all the pain. All the regret. Everything.
I hate myself. I wish I could tell you how I feel, but you won't give me the time of day.

Why must I regret everything now? Why didn't I think about this stuff 4 years and a half years ago?

I was cold as ice, and now I'm paying the price. 💔💔💔

Make it better

Thinking about all the pain you caused me sucks. Just apologize already. Like please, seriously.

Feeling...

Like I don't matter.
Feeling like I'm not important.
Feeling like just another face in the crowd.
Feeling stressed and overwhelmed and sad.

I have a head ache. /:

Change

I hate change so much. What I hate even more is that change is always going to happen. It is not avoidable. I think I've made peace with that fact finally. Well sort of.

Maybe not. I still hate change. But there is nothing I can do about it.

I will continue to lose and make new friends. I will continue to age. I will continue to try new things and decide whether or not I like what I've tried.

I also have noticed and seen through photos that I have changed so much. Even just over a period of two years.

I hope with the continuation of change, that I will also see a change in the world. I hope the change in the world will be terrific and not terrifying.
Because people scare me. I hate people. There are so many rude and ignorant people who have no respect for anything or anyone.

I also hope with change, I change. Not just looks, but with my attitude.
I have one of the worst attitudes I think. I catch myself being more pessimistic than optimistic lately. I don't like that. I also have been consumed with so much hatred. Hatred towards humans. Not all, but most definitely a vast majority. I also find myself every once and a while thinking terrible thoughts that I use to when I was terribly depressed. I'm afraid that I will slip back into an awful depression. I don't want to feel sad and empty all the time again. It's not fun.

So, yeah. I like the positive side of change, but absolutely fear the negative side.

School

I can't trust anyone. I'm so done. I want this year to be over.

Forget

I don't want to remember the time I've wasted thinking about you.
I wish I could erase you from my mind, so that if I were to ever see you again you'd just be a stranger passing by.

I've now fallen in love, with someone who loves me right back.
But I feel terribly awful that just the thought of what happened still causes me so much pain.